(a group of objects or an amount of material accumulated in one location, especially for some purpose or as a result of some process)

I am constantly collecting; in my education, my friends, my furniture, my stuff, even in my job. My current life is one of collection. I am collecting information, resources, relationships, and knowledge. This is important and preliminary, I understand, but I am getting tired of simply collecting. I want to do something. I want to get my hands dirty, I want to apply myself, I want to grow something; and I am a bit afraid that I don’t know how. Yet.

Even at work I have been noticing some personal dissatisfaction with plain data collection. I am more interested in what type of application will come from this whole project. The “intervention” phase (although that is quite a pretentious sounding description of what these researchers are trying to do) is what I am more curious about (hopefully there will be as much effort and time spend on this important side of the job. What’s the point of collecting information if it is not then applied in some meaningful way?).

Point being, I am feeling unsettled. I feel like most of the things I currently do in my life, I do for myself. Of course, I certainly listen to my friends and offer them advice to my best abilities, and I honestly try to be kind to people and to add some light whenever possible, but really where am I applying myself? I’m not so sure that being in school is considered application in my mind. It is more what precedes application or what builds the foundation for the ability to apply; at least for me, I believe that is true.

I suppose I am not quite done collecting myself, but I do feel close (at least with the primary part). Now I need to find a more decisive direction (I do have some ideas that I quite like), and figure out how to make that happen; and make a living in the mean time. Hopefully I can find a way to do that and still work at something that is important to me, something I value.
Which is another topic I have been considering quite a bit lately! Values, that is… maybe save that for another night though. Would take me a while to think out-loud and suddenly my glass (or so) of wine has served its purpose well and made me quite sleepy.

But yeah, I think I am getting tired of simply collecting. I find myself wanting to apply; and to grow something! So, we’ll see how this attempt at a garden goes (….), and start from there.

P.S. I do enjoy this lady.